13 Comments
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Mark Hayes's avatar

I never knew a single kid, myself included, who didn't hate Oatmeal and it's bastard offspring Cream of Wheat.

When forced to put that crap in our mouths, we'd load it with so much stuff to disguise the taste (but nothing worked to eliminate the glue like texture).

Cap'n Crunch, on the other hand (Red Box Classic, of course)...

Scott Clevenger's avatar

The texture...ugh!...the texture was like quicksand in your mouth.

I kind of liked Cap'n Crunch, but it never failed to shred the roof of my mouth into hamburger.

Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

As genuine old folks (nearing 70) we do have oatmeal on occasion. My go to toppings (or bottoms as I preload my bowl with stuff to avoid conflct with Mrs Mild) are brown sugar (plenty of it), raisins (don’t judge, I happen to like raisins), sliced almonds, and maybe butter.

Mrs Mild prefers brown sugar, dried cranberries (again, please don’t judge), almonds, butter, and a slug of maple syrup.

Mark Hayes's avatar

No judgements (other than the perversion of eating Oatmeal in the first place) and I absolutely support you doing whatever you can to minimize that awful taste and texture…

Mr Mild - BlueVotingBastard💙's avatar

If you put enough brown sugar, butter, and maple syrup on a piece of cardboard, someone will eat it.

Mark Hayes's avatar

I remember years ago, at an ad agency, we were working on a pitch for Challenge Butter and (I soooooooo wish I could take credit for this) a good friend of mine suggested the deathless headline, “If you cook it with Butter it tastes better.”

Carl Salonen's avatar

And yet, Instant Quaker Oatmeal features prominently a maple-syrup "enhanced" packet and guess what? Best seller in the line.

Scott Clevenger's avatar

"Enhanced"? Pah! That's just the equivalent of fake boobs for oatmeal!

Elizabeth's avatar

I happen to have a couple of packets of Cream of Wheat on hand. Wondering if I should take one for the team and investigate. I only have pumpkin ice cream, not sure if that would make it better or worse than a standard flavor.

To sum up: Oats!

Scott Clevenger's avatar

Well summed!

I don't really know if pumpkin ice cream would produce an accurate result under laboratory conditions or not, but if you're willing to take one for the team, I'm willing to risk Scientific American's wrath.

John  Noble's avatar

Any thoughts on why that weird looking kid is obviously just chewing on a metal spoon instead of eating any chocolate oatmeal?

Scott Clevenger's avatar

a couple...

1) it tastes better

2) it's made of lead, and he's been chewing on it for awhile. A LONG while...