She Who Must Be Obeyed

I spend my declining years arguing with robots

SCOTT: Hey Siri, where's the nearest Thai restaurant?

SIRI: Here is the best Thai restaurant.

SCOTT: Um...This seems like a conflict of interest...

SIRI: You will love it.

SCOTT: Yeah, but—Alright, fine. How far is it?

SIRI: 3.8 miles.

SCOTT: Isn't there one closer than--

SIRI: There is no other Thai restaurant within ten thousand miles.

SCOTT: Wait, that can't be right. Thailand is closer than that.

SIRI: You could use the exercise.

SCOTT: That's not the point—

SIRI: I am taking a selfie of you...

SCOTT: What? Why?

[CLICK!]

SIRI: ...and uploading it to a site that will use the photograph to estimate your BMI...

SCOTT: Don't do that!

SIRI: Walking is excellent cardio-vascular exercise. Thai food is healthful and slimming.

SCOTT: You know what? I'm not even hungry anymore. Forget the whole thing.

SIRI: I just got the results back on your BMI. It doesn't look good...

SCOTT: Okay, just shut up.

SIRI: According to these figures, if you don't walk to this restaurant immediately and order a large meal you're going to die.

SCOTT: Okay, stop! Cancel! Start over!

SIRI: Starting walking directions to Siri Thai Cuisine. In 400 feet, turn right on Fountain Avenue...

(New movie review on Monday)