14 Comments
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Carl Salonen's avatar

FTR, Finns expunged Harlin from all association with our nation after this was released.

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Debbi Mack's avatar

Ahoy, matey! :)

Well, that was fun.

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Alice's avatar

"I got your balls"... from the pistol? So the dude couldn't fire it? Just a thought. And "Snoozy and confusing" is my new favorite phrase for everything.

If you're looking for suggestions for other movies to skewer, may I suggest "Fantastic Beasts: the Secrets of Dumbledore"? It's awful and it just will. Not. End. Plus, Dumbledore really doesn't have any secrets worth mentioning except that he's crushing on Grindelwald, which we all knew anyway.

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Scott Clevenger's avatar

I *guess* that's what the joke (?) was? That whilst they were fornicating, her primate pal surreptitiously unloaded the guy's brace of pistols because screechy little monkeys are known for their stealth, discretion, and fine motor skills. Ugh.

Thanks for the movie suggestion, Alice. I bailed out of the Fantastic Beasts series early on, but now have an excuse to punish myself again.

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Andrew Leal's avatar

It says a lot when the scenes in this movie are harder to decipher than your pulp covers!

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Scott Clevenger's avatar

Sometimes I feel like I've accidentally cornered the market on mass market surrealism.

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Carl Salonen's avatar

A regular Salvador Dulli

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Carl Salonen's avatar

You know this movie could have worked if the tattoo'd maps were on the scrotal sacks of Frank and whatever his name was...call it Cutballs Island.

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Scott Clevenger's avatar

Well, that would explain the otherwise inexplicable "I got your BALLS!" boast from the opening scene.

Although I don't know about the title. Anything involving director Renny Harlin and scrotums I just naturally want to call "Hacky Sack".

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Carl Salonen's avatar

"I got your BALLS! And let me apologize now, I really only wanted the sack..."

Hm. That might have been the first draft...

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Scott Clevenger's avatar

Ahhh, so it was a sneak SACK ATTACK! I mighta known...

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Carl Salonen's avatar

She had SACKaroni and cheese for dinner.

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Scott Clevenger's avatar

It was a mere BAGatelle.

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Carl Salonen's avatar

A pig in a poke.

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