Indecent Proposal (1993)

He pimped his wife to a millionaire. She told her husband the sex was pretty darned good. Can this marriage be saved?

Indecent Proposal (1993)
Directed by Adrian Lyne
Written by Amy Holden Jones; based on the novel by Jack Engelhard

We meet husband Woody Harrelson at the pier, where he is gazing at the water and thinking moody, over-dubbed thoughts about his lost love, Demi Moore. Demi, who is riding a bus in her prom gown, intones, “If you ever want something badly, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never yours to begin with.” So, we know we are in for a deeply philosophical movie about the nature of love, loss, and Hallmark Cards.

We then flashback to Woody and Demi’s life together. She was a realtor. He was an architect. After Woody came up with the unified field theory of architecture, he began building his Santa Monica Dream House (not to be confused with Barbie’s Malibu Beach Dream House, since Barbie’s had a better designer and higher quality materials). But then the recession hit, the couple got a month behind on the mortgage payments, and they stood to lose everything. (Don’t you hate it when bad things happen to vapid people?)

Woody and Demi thought about getting jobs in an effort to dig themselves out, but then decided the more sensible course would be to borrow money and head for Vegas. Because when you’re attractive and in love, the laws of probability are suspended in your favor.

Once they’re installed in a high-class casino, Woody heads for the gambling tables. Demi does her part by sneaking into a boutique and stealing their chocolates. This impresses billionaire Robert Redford, who offers to buy her the tarty Cher gown she was mooning over. She indignantly retorts, “The dress is for sale. I’m not!” Attention everybody: incoming plot point!

Alas, while Demi was setting up the movie’s premise, Woody lost all their money. The couple’s expressive faces indicate that they are sad. Robert notes their distress and offers Woody a million dollars for a night with his wife. Apparently, Vegas is experiencing a big hooker shortage, and so it’s a sellers’ market. At first Woody and Demi are outraged—what kind of a girl does Robert think Demi is! But after talking it over, the couple decides to accept Robert’s offer: because they could really use the money, and because Demi actually is kind of slutty.

The deed done and the couple one million dollars richer, they drive back to L.A. to redeem the Dream House. But then the bottom falls out of their world! It turns out that on the very day they were in Vegas, earning money through pimping and prostitution, the bank foreclosed and somebody else bought their property! What kind of God would allow something like this to happen?

And even more tragic for the couple, their relationship starts to deteriorate. Woody becomes jealous and suspicious, and finally demands to know, once and for all, if Robert was good in bed. Demi admits that he was, but avers that she did it all—the moaning, the screaming, the multiple orgasms—for Woody. Woody visibly experiences some sort of emotion, and runs away from home. Demi weeps, because men are just so unappreciative, and because an off- camera stagehand is helpfully waving ammonia crystals under her nose.

However, Demi isn’t alone for long, for it seems that Robert’s dream woman is a demure, old-fashioned girl who will sell herself for large sums of money. So, he begins courting Demi. He is boyishly charming. She is cold and hostile. It’s perfect! She finally agrees to a relationship, apparently giving him the Frequent Buyers’ sex rate.

Things don’t go as well for Woody. He and the dog live in a tool shed that Woody has plastered, in true psychopathic stalker fashion, with photos of Demi. Eventually he gets a job teaching bitter architecture, and imparts bits o’ wisdom such as, “Even a common brick wants to be something better than it is.” The students are spellbound by these insights into the secret life of bricks, but Demi still wants a divorce. She informs him that he can keep the million dollars as a lovely parting gift.

It’s hard out there for a pimp.

Robert takes Demi to a zoo benefit where the crowd is wowed by a feckless stranger who bids $1,000,000 to sponsor a hippo. Yes, that idiot is Woody, who threw away the million just to impress Demi with how rock stupid he really is. They look at each other longingly, then Woody signs the divorce papers and walks away, probably to spend his million-dollar night with the hippo.

On the ride home, Robert tells Demi that she was the best of the “Million Dollar Club.” It seems that he has done this kind of thing a couple dozen times before. This announcement causes Demi to jump out of the car and into a bus that happens along. We realize that Robert mentioned the Club in order to end the affair, because “She never would have looked at me like she looked at Woody.” We’re impressed by his generosity of spirit, letting her go back to the man she loves. But we’re more impressed by the fact that Robert has spent 24 million dollars on sex! Jeez, this guy really needs to comparison shop!

The bus Demi boarded just happens to be going to the pier where the movie started; Woody is there being gloomy. Maybe being attractive and in love is enough to cause the universe to suspend the laws of probability! Anyway, she confides that she still loves him, and always will. He loves her too. Tremulous smiles. Fade out. The end.

So, what did this movie teach us about making marriage work? First, that open communication is of vital importance. The flame of marriage begins to flicker when not fed by the fuel of conversation, and then the wieners of romance can no longer be roasted at love’s fire pit, if you know what we mean. So, let your partner know that he or she is appreciated and loved. Hop on a bus in your prom dress and tell your mate that you still love him. Discuss your work with her—let her know what the bricks told you today about their hopes and fears. And if sex with another man was really good, let your husband know just how good, with visual aids like a PowerPoint presentation comparing penis sizes.

Secondly, we saw how even a couple who truly love each other can drift apart. Perhaps she is too busy to hang out with him, due her demanding career as a courtesan; and he just isn’t around much because he’s living in a tool shed with the dog. To combat this emotional estrangement, look for little ways to put the romance back in your relationship. Perhaps you could try something new and adventuresome, like quitting your 9-to-5 jobs and developing a trapeze act for Barnum & Bailey—and then you could let her go from the high wire, to see if she is yours forever.